Now we might be starting to understand this defence mechanism, this ego, and we might be beginning to understand it isn’t us. It’s just a programmed version of looking at the world in a threatening way through a filter of negative beliefs. Much of it is created through the use of disconnecting habits and the withdrawal of connecting habits. – habits that we then turn on ourselves and continue to feed by our own negative self-talk.
We can now see that when we focus on the want for approval, control and security, we are expressing what we fear – we are lacking something. The mind now sees the future in a fearful way and we begin to feel anxious. Or we might go back to the past with regret, disappointment and guilt and feel down and depressed. We often skip between the two – between anxiety and depression. How could we possibly be happy with this frame of mind? By recognising it is only a frame of mind, a perception, not reality – just our perception of reality – just an illusion we create.
What I am holding in my mind I am bringing into my world by the way I think and act.
I recently gave a workshop for a bipolar support group. Now imagine two people at the back talking as I am giving my presentation. Let’s also imagine I had an argument with my wife before going there. I would already be feeling disconnected and disempowered. My ego sees this situation as a threat. Listening is a connecting habit and my audience are not listening. The ego tells me they are probably saying that this is boring, rubbish and wondering what time will they get out of there. They don’t approve of me. I want to control this. If they were children I would use disconnecting habits – for example: ‘Stop talking now and listen, or it will be detention after class’ – telling and threatening to control them. Now I have control I can continue. This is the fight response. The disconnecting habits are always the fight response. These are adults though. Threaten them with detention and they will laugh at me and walk out. All that’s left is the flight response. I lose eye contact and my voice drops to a monotone as I look to get out of there as quickly as possible and go home to where I feel safe. Before long, everyone appears bored and looking at their watches wondering what time they will get out of there. What I am holding in my mind I am bringing into my world by the way I think and act. I begin to create the very thing I am afraid of. You see, the subconscious is a perfect servant. What you are holding in your mind it will bring into your world. It doesn’t discriminate. That might give you some food for thought!