Understanding habits, needs and negative emotions – The Want for Control & Security – Chapter Two

Understanding habits, needs and negative emotions – The Want for Control & Security  – Chapter Two

The want for control

The want for control is a distortion of the need for empowerment.

Empowerment is to have an influence over things in your life. This need for empowerment is often distorted into wanting to control things. You can’t even control your body as it ages. You can’t control another person as most parents find out with regard to their children. Control is just an illusion. It’s like a want for certainty, but nothing is certain. Anger and frustration have their roots in the want to control. Let’s just take the example of a person not being happy because it’s wet, cold and raining outside. You can’t control the weather. It just is. Not good or bad. It just is. We create a judgement that it is bad for us by wanting it to be warm and sunny but we can’t control the weather. It simply just is. You might have a preference for something else, but if you can’t have an influence over it, what’s the point of losing your happiness over it? How many times do we get frustrated over things beyond our influence – such as being stuck in traffic? Or when our football team loses, or when we get a flat tyre? When the golf ball won’t go where we want it to go, or when others don’t behave the way we would like them to? The want for control can be seen in the way some people seek to have power over others. Many wars have been fought because of this want. We try to control nature but we soon learn the lesson. The power of nature is far beyond our control. Volcanos spew forth their ash and lava, and tsunamis, cyclones and hurricanes destroy towns and cities.

Nothing is permanent – nothing is secure.

The want for security

The want for security is a distortion of the need for survival. How can anything be secure when nothing is permanent? We want security of relationships and yet we all die. No relationship is permanent. Security of assets, income and jobs are not permanent. Money comes and goes. Jobs are lost. Assets rust away or are soon past their use by date. Everything is arising and passing away in a universe where everything is constantly changing and nothing is permanent. Even the sun will one day exhaust its energy and eventually its light will go out. Nothing for me to worry about though; I won’t be around that long because my physical existence is not permanent. Just take a look around and see for yourself. Most of the older cars have already gone and the computer that I type this on has already replaced my old one just a few months ago and it will be replaced in times to come. Everything I see around me in the room where I sit will one day find its way to the tip.

Many addictions are formed by the want to escape.