Blog

Understanding habits, needs and negative emotions – The Want for Approval – Chapter Two

Understanding habits, needs and negative emotions – The Want for Approval – Chapter Two

The Want for Approval

The want for approval is a distortion of the need for love and connection.

Is it possible to get one person’s approval all the time? Not likely! Ask my wife. If I could get her approval all the time it would be fantastic, but I am not perfect. I have my faults just like everyone else. Could I get everyone’s approval? No, not much chance of that happening.

The fear of public speaking has its roots in the want for approval. The fear that people won’t approve of the way you look, what you are saying and how you are saying it. What if I look foolish, make mistakes or start to blush or stutter? Better just to say nothing and keep my head down because I fear I will not be approved of.

The more you want approval, the more you fear you are lacking it

Social anxiety (a fear of social interaction with others) has its roots in the want for approval as do many low self-esteem issues. The more you want approval, the more you fear you are lacking it. It is impossible to get one person’s approval all the time and it is impossible to get everyone’s approval. Let’s face it; some people are just not going to like us. It’s just a fact of life. And yet we crave for people to say nice things about us and have an aversion to them saying things we don’t like. ‘If people say nice things about me I will feel loved.’ Not really. You will just feel approved of and crave more of the same. You see, love is not something you can get – it is only something you can give. When a child is born the parents usually have an overwhelming feeling of love for this innocent little baby. The baby is looking back wondering what the hell these strange looking gushing things are. It’s the love the parents feel for the child that makes them feel good – not the love the child gives back.

The more you want approval, the more you must feel you lack it. And your mind sees this lack as a threat.

Anger and frustration have their roots in the want to control.

0